Welcome Back Students, Let Me Teach You How to Properly Use the MBTA

September 11, 2012

+ PLEASE MAKE PRIORITY SEATING AVAILABLE FOR SENIORS AND PERSONS WITH DISABILITIES

+ PLEASE MAKE PRIORITY SEATING AVAILABLE FOR PREGNANT WOMEN

+ PLEASE MAKE PRIORITY SEATING AVAILABLE FOR CHILDREN

+ PLEASE MAKE ROOM FOR BABY CARRIAGES

+ Don’t be that guy that finds a good spot to stand on the train making it impossible for everyone else to move to the back and causing the conductor to yell at everyone.

+ The train is not a dorm room. Stop making out/canoodling/generally grossing out all the adults around you by being nasty VD infested students.

+ No one wants to hear your dubstep on your shitty cell phone speakers. Buy some goddamn headphones with Mom’s credit card, it will make you hipper.

+ Don’t make eye contact.

+ Take your fucking backpack off and put it on the ground between your feet.

+ Don’t socialize/try to pick up a stranger, you seem like a craigslist killer.

+ Take a fucking look around and stop being spacially ignorant.

+ No one wants to smell your food on the train. Do not eat on the train. If you’re dying and have to eat or you’ll explode, this is why fucking Balance bars exist.

+ Let people off the train before you get on. Simple logic should teach you this when boarding passengers prevent you from getting off at your stop.

+ Have your money ready before you are getting on the train, and IF YOU DON’T HAVE A PRE-LOADED CHARLIE CARD, GET ON LAST. MOST CONVENIENCE STORES WILL ADD VALUE. STOP BEING A MORON.

+ Centrifugal force is universal, fucking hold on to something you’re not goddamn Spiderman and you can’t surf the B Line.

+ Stop talking about objectifying women on the T. No one cares, and you’re corrupting the children.

+ I don’t care how the Red Sox did tonight, keep your shit together on the train and don’t get pissed at the regular humans when they get a seat before you. They weren’t too wasted to board properly, that’s your fault.

+ Don’t fight with your girlfriend on the T. It makes you look abusive. Sit there in bitter silence like the rest of us.

+ Use your indoor voice. You know what? Use your library voice.

Lastly remember that these places you’re moving to are neighborhoods, people live here all year round, please stop ruining everything for everyone else.